The Cost of Being a Disciple

One of the things that makes Jesus so different from other teachers, is that he will not settle for a “place” in your life. In other words, he will not accept fourth or third place on your list of relational priorities. He upholds the universe by the word of his power; through him and for him all things were made; his alone are the words of eternal life. He is the ground and center of existence, he is the gravity around which everything else must hold together, so if you will be his disciple, you are called to live a Christ First life, a Christ Above All and Anyone life. 

And that makes people uncomfortable. 

Jesus is not just a nice guy to be “liked,” he is the Teacher and Lord to whom we must give everything and from whom we must hold nothing back. Listen to what Jesus tells us in Luke 14:25: “Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: ‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple’” (Luke 14:25–26).

Now, if you want to keep a large crowd traveling with you, or if you want to bolster your popularity, then you should not say those kinds of things. But that’s exactly what Jesus says. So what does he mean? Does he want us to literally hate the people who are nearest and dearest to us? Does he want us to actively cut them down and despise them in his name to prove our undivided devotion to him?

Hatred Disguised as Devotion

Let’s think very quickly about some other things Jesus has said about family to try and get some clarity on this issue. For instance, in Matthew 15, Jesus rebukes the Pharisees for dishonoring their parents in the name of God. In Jesus’ day, you could declare your money or resources as Corban, meaning that they were pledged to the Temple upon your death; further meaning that they couldn’t be transferred to anyone else, but they could be used for your own benefit while you were still alive. 

So in that day, if your parents were aged and couldn’t provide for themselves any longer, you had an obligation to help them -- but the Pharisees evidently got around that by declaring their money Corban. “Sorry mom and dad, I can’t help; my money is dedicated to God!” It was a way of masking selfishness under the guise of devotion to God. And Jesus hated it. If your “devotion” and “love” to God means you actively hate your neighbor or forsake your family and do what you can to trick and connive your way out of loving them as you love yourself, you don’t really love God.  

Hatred, but By Comparison

So then, what does Jesus mean when he says that if you don’t hate father and mother, spouse and children, brothers and sisters, even your own life, you can’t be his disciple? Perhaps it will be helpful to think of this as a matter of perception, and here’s what I mean by that. 

As a disciple of Jesus, your love for him should be so great that he receives your highest devotion -- so much so, that the people in your life who care about you may feel slighted, or even hated by comparison. And then, you’ll be left to decide: am I going to live into being the disciple of Jesus that I already am? Or am I going to forsake my Lord in order to appease others?

Perhaps you’re young, and maybe you feel certain that God has called you to foreign missions or church planting -- and when you tell your parents, they look at you with somber disappointment and start saying things like, “So you don’t want to be near us, huh?”

Or perhaps you’re married, and for years you’ve let your spouse act as the person who has the power to both validate and invalidate you, to take you to the highest heights or to bring you down to the most crushing depths -- but now, you’re looking to Christ alone for your validation, which changes your behavior around your spouse and leads them to ask, “Do you even still love me?

Or perhaps you’re an employee who gives your very best work to your company, but you refuse to be their slave, and you do your best to ensure that you have time to spend with your family and time to worship together with the church -- and your employer wonders, “So do you hate this company or something?”

Jesus tells us to expect this; in fact, Jesus tells us that if, in scenarios like that, we hold back from him, we can’t be his disciples. Make no mistake, we will be someone’s disciple, but not his -- because we’re all disciples of someone. But Christ alone has the words of eternal life. So is everlasting joy worth such a temporary price? Emphatically, yes. We’re just shortsighted and tend to forget that.